I'm happy, I'm sorry.

There comes a time in your life when you feel... in equilibrium? balanced? secure? It's like there's a lot of good things happening and you're not afraid that it will be taken away from you,AND, there are also bad things around you but you know that you can deal with them. It's a certain kind of peace that you know you've done something good with your life no matter how many mistakes you've made as well.

I think I've been given the best compliment anyone I know can EVER give me in my lifetime. A good friend of mine who I rarely see these days adpoted a baby sometime ago. This friend, adores this child as their own. The little angel has given my friend a spark in life, a chance to create a fresh start.

Sometime ago, this friend chatted me up online and was giving me good news about some weight loss from regular exercise. I was really happy to hear about the new health efforts and then I asked about their baby. There was the usual developmental updates. And, then I was taken aback with what I read on my screen, "I want him to be as relaxed and as happy as you. You have the personality that I want for him." (Verbatim; cut and pasted from my messenger archives.)

I wanted to roll on the floor laughing and bawl my eyes out. But, what I did was, I stared at the screen blinking, looked from the keyboard and back to the screen, reread the text and then remembered to breathe. It was a heavy blow to my ego, a blow up to the skies, rocketing to the next universe if not the next dimension. I wanted to exile myself in the internal worlds of a blackhole and die with the great honor of being branded as a happy person. But, not the greatest honor, that's when you make others happy as well. But, then again, I'm trying to do that now. :) So I have to stay in this world for the mean time.

I meant this entry to be posted in my other blog but I realized that being happy is shameful. Most people ARE happy, they just don't know it. So they think they're sad. And, if they weren't nurtured to be strong in their individuality and loneliness, they will definitely feel worse when they read about the essence of joy that they don't realize they have.

Yes, I am guilty of being happy. My apologies.